The Lesser-Known Programming Languages

#14: VALGOL

VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry.

VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y*KNOW.

Variables are assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTALLY operators.

Other operators include the "California booleans", AX and NOWAY.

Loops are accomplished with the FOR... SURE construct.

A simple example:

  LIKE, Y*KNOW (I MEAN) START
  IF PIZZA        =LIKE BITCHEN AND
     GUY	  =LIKE TUBULAR AND
     VALLEY GIRL  =LIKE GRODY**MAX(FERSURE)**2 THEN
    FOR I =LIKE 1 TO OH*MAYBE 100
      DO*WAH - (DITTY**2); 
      BARF(I)=TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)
    SURE
    LIKE, BAG THIS PROGRAM; 
    REALLY; 
    LIKE TOTALLY(Y*KNOW);
    IM*SURE
  GOTO THE MALL

VALGOL is also characterized by its unfriendly error messages.

For example, when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays the message GAG ME WITH A SPOON!

A successful compile may be termed MAXIMALLY AWESOME!